Lithuania's Quiet Day
by punyfairies
Summary: Lithuania's day had been going so well. Until Poland completely ruins it. Again. Drunk/High/Insane Poland.


Lithuania had been hoping for a quiet day, of sorts. Then again, he knew that this was only wishful thinking, because when you lived with Poland, quiet days did not exist. It was a well-known fact he liked to deny every now and then.

Yet, when the sun slowly started setting and plunged his room into a warm, red light, he closed his eyes and reveled in the peace surrounding him. Unbelievably, he hadn't seen Poland all day, and was submitting to the welcoming thought that maybe, this day, no one would come and turn his house upside down.

Unfortunately such an outcome would make life too easy for poor, unlucky Lithuania, and Poland chose that precise moment to waltz into his room, his walk uneven, and his speech slurred.

"Lieeeet, you're heree~" He said happily, bouncing over.

Lithuania arched an eyebrow at the state of his longtime friend. Had he been drinking?

"Feliks… have you be-"

"You are TOTALLY not going to believe this!" Poland said, swaying a bit and Lithuania closed his mouth, having received his answer.

"I saw I saw I saw—"

Lithuania pressed back into his chair in apprehension as Poland shot forward and hovered over him, a strange energy in his eyes and an odd scent in his breath.

"—mushrooms."

Wait, what?

"Feliks—" Lithuania tried again, only to be interrupted by a finger pressed firmly onto his lips.

"Rude, Liet."

Lithuania shut up again, but instead of continuing his story, Poland started to skip around the room. Now, Lithuania had seen Poland do a myriad of… not so masculine things, but this really topped them all. Lithuania gaped as Poland suddenly turned back towards him, as if he had just gotten the best idea in the world.

"Oh my god, I just like, totally got the BEST idea EVER."

Oh dear god.

Lithuania waited a moment, but the blank stare on Poland's face did not falter, and when his mouth started to hang open just a bit, Lithuania started to get worried.

"Feliks, are you ok—"

"LET'S GET MARRIED!" Poland exclaimed happily, nearly tackling Lithuania off his chair and scaring the crap out of him. Lithuania tried to straighten himself and push Feliks off him, but the more he seemed to struggle, the tighter Feliks's arms wrapped around him.

"W-What?"

"And babies! We totally need babies!"

Lithuania was beginning to suspect that Poland might have been doing more than just _seeing _mushrooms.

"Why do we nee—"

He was cut short when Poland pulled him off his chair and pinned him to the ground, too-bright eyes twinkling with something more than just excitement. He pressed his entire body against Lithuania, whose heart almost expired then and there.

"Let's make babies, Liet."

Lithuania blinked, wishing Poland would just sober up already and snap out of this embarrassing insanity.

He attempted another push, this time succeeding in getting Poland off his lap. Lithuania scrambled to his feet and let out a shuddering breath, feeling quite helpless at the current situation. Maybe coffee would help him.

"Lieeeet, do you think I'm pretty?"

Yes, coffee.

"Lieeeeeet, you are so pretty," Feliks continued dreamily.

Where on earth was the bloody coffee?

He frantically searched around the kitchen, only to be captured by two hands pushing him up against the wall.

"Yes!" Poland said, almost looking through him.

"Y…yes?" Lithuania repeated, completely bewildered.

"You should totally wear a suit at the wedding, because suits like, suit you."

"…What?"

"And violins! Cake! Can I have a pink cake? And ooh, a fabulous fluffy dress! I want pansies. We should totally play my anthem too. I mean, yours is ok, but everyone knows mine is like, so much cooler. Mushrooms! BABIES! BABIES BABIES BABIE-"

"FELIKS!" Lithuania finally snapped, and was pleased by his own volume. It seemed to impress Poland as well, as he blinked and let go of Lithuania's shirt, closing his mouth like a child being told off.

"Just… take it easy, okay?"

Poland blinked again, letting the words sink in, and nodded slowly. Lithuania cautiously wiggled himself away from his trapped position between the wall and Poland, and carefully took Feliks's arm to lead him to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Poland was drinking his third cup of coffee, and thankfully, he seemed to have calmed down. Lithuania was grateful he didn't have to force-feed him; that would not have ended well. He watched as Poland finished his third cup and reached to get a fourth.

"Feliks... are you okay?"

"Itotallyam."

Lithuania sighed in relief, not realizing the nervous energy in Poland's speech.

"Thank goodness. You were acting so strange that I was afraid I had to call a doctor. You should be careful when you go out drinking or doing whatever you've been doing. Do you even know that those things can harm your brain? It's not that you shouldn't have any fun, I'm just—"

"Psssshhhhh."

Lithuania's eyes widened as Poland gulped down his fourth cup of coffee.

Oh no.

Painful realization shot through him as Poland's eyes started to twinkle again.

Maniacal glow might be a more appropriate term.

Suddenly, it was like they were having a mutual count down, Poland springing from his chair at one, Lithuania attempting to escape at two, and both of them hitting the floor at three.

"F-Feliks… what are you doing?" Lithuania yelped as Poland busied himself with undressing the poor man below him, not replying.

"Feliks, stop this nonsense immediately, I—"

This time, it wasn't a finger silencing him, but Feliks's feverish lips and Lithuania squeezed his eyes shut, tasting alcohol, some kind of curious substance that he could not quite identify, and a _lot_ of coffee. Poland pulled back with an exaggerated frown.

"Rude." He said, pulling Lithuania's shirt off of his trapped body.

"Feliks, you shouldn—"

"Hey! Can't you just, like, sit still?"

"No!"

"Lieeeet…!"

"FELIKS!"

This time, Poland wasn't that impressed by Lithuania's tone of voice. He just stared down at him, and started giggling hysterically.

"You should like, totally take it easy."

Lithuania groaned and struggled in vain. Who even knew that Poland was so strong?

"Why are you so pretty, Liet? What shampoo do you use? I am so totally jealous of your hair," Feliks carried on.

Perhaps it was time to try another approach.

"Feliks," Lithuania started soothingly. "If you just let me go, we can get married, okay? And babies. As many as you want."

This seemed to stop Poland momentarily.

"All of them?" Feliks asked dazedly.

What a silly question, Lithuania thought, and resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment. With a completely serious face, he replied,

"Yes. _All of the babies."_

"And the dress and the cake and the pink and blue toilets and the pansies and the ponies and the pony babies and the suit and the –"

Lithuania was feeling the beginning of a spectacular headache.

"Yes! Everything!"

Poland gave a happy squeal and began bouncing on top of Lithuania.

"I'm going to be the most fabulous bride ever! Can we make babies now Liet? Please please please? You promised me all of the babies! Now!"

Inside of Lithuania's head, a whole string of colourful expletives were exploding, some of which he did not even realize he knew.

Was it really too much to ask for _one completely peaceful day? _

Three days later, a happy, carefree, and thankfully back to normal (well, normal for Feliks anyway) Poland was yakking away about the latest fashion trend in hair pins.

Lithuania narrowed his eyes. It would seem that Feliks had no recollection of the state he was in three days ago.

Oh, thank the heavens.

Because Lithuania definitely was _not _having that stupid wedding.

"Hey, Liet, I'm going to like, get a drink, okay?" Feliks said brightly.

Relieved that Poland had not mentioned the word "wedding", "mushroom", or "babies" so far today, Lithuania allowed himself to relax.

Moments later, Lithuania saw a chirpy Feliks skip towards him from the kitchen, and smiled.

Wait a minute –

Feliks was _skipping?_

Lithuania felt a hint of misgiving beginning to creep into his brain.

_Is that a Red Bull he's holding in his hands?_

Where in bloody hell did Feliks even get a Red Bull?

Oh, fuck.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lithuania leaped out of his chair and tried to slap the ominous drink from Feliks's trembling hand, only to find himself tackled to the floor for the second time that week.

"Babies?" Feliks said cheerfully as that forbidding twinkle lighted up his features once more.

* * *

So I found this when I was going through my old folders. Good times, good times.

I totally think that Poland is a crazy/horny drunk. The image of Feliks all high and maniacal and absolutely nuts pleases me.


End file.
